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About Literature / Artist Senior Member Jo27/Female/South Africa Groups :iconmy-soul-bleeds-ink: My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink
We write; it's who we are.
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Another 100 Themes List for me to do :D

:star: = completed

:star: 1. Introduction - Depressed, Schizophrenic, Human
:star: 2. Complicated - Never Easy
:star: 3. Making History - For Good
:star: 4. Rivalry - Over Death
:star: 5. Unbreakable - Mulish
:star: 6. Obsession - Rules
:star: 7. Eternity - Five Little Words
:star: 8. Gateway - Lazy Gnome
:star: 9. Death - Death
:star: 10. Opportunities - Rotting Wood
:star: 11. 33% - One-Third Wonder
:star: 12. Dead Wrong - Discovery
:star: 13. Running Away - Cirque du Freak
:star: 14. Judgement - Just Love
:star: 15. Seeking Solace - Needing
:star: 16. Excuses - Really Me
:star: 17. Vengeance - Ghost-Threads
:star: 18. Love - Seasons
:star: 19. Tears - Simple Tear and I am Sad
:star: 20. My Inspiration - Vampire
:star: 21. Never Again - Until Now
:star: 22. Online - Deviant Art
:star: 23. Failure - Best Forgotten
24. Rebirth
25. Breaking Away
26. Forever and a day
:star: 27. Lost and Found - The Friendship Box
:star: 28. Light - Love and Light
:star: 29. Dark - Grey Becomes Me Better
:star: 30. Faith - Stained Glass
:star: 31. Colours - Rainbow
32. Exploration
33. Seeing Red
34. Shades of Grey
35. Forgotten
:star: 36. Dreamer - The Ringing Siren
37. Mist
38. Burning
39. Out of Time
40. Knowing How
:star: 41. Fork in the road - Burden Free
42. Start
43. Nature's Fury
44. At Peace
:star: 45. Heart Song - Heart of Ice and Heart of Stone
46. Reflection
47. Perfection
:star: 48. Everyday Magic - You Stayed
49. Umbrella
50. Party
:star: 51. Troubling Thoughts - It's Hard to Choose Hope
:star: 52. Stirring of the Wind - Chance
53. Future
:star: 54. Health and Healing - Still
55. Separation
:star: 56. Everything For You - Scared You Away
57. Slow Down
:star: 58. Heartfelt Apology - Open My Eyes
59. Challenged
60. Exhaustion
61. Accuracy
:star: 62. Irregular Orbit - Whimsy Wind
:star: 63. Cold Embrace - Hell is Cold
:star: 64. Frost - Painted Ice
:star: 65. A Moment in Time - Frozen Joy
66. Dangerous Territory
67. Boundaries
:star: 68. Unsettling Revelations - Rape
:star: 69. Shattered - Kicking in the Glass
70. Bitter Silence
71. The True You
72. Pretence
:star: 73. Patience - Too Far Gone
:star: 74. Midnight - Witching Hour
75. Shadows
76. Summer Haze
77. Memories
:star: 78. Change in the Weather - More to This
79. Illogical
80. Only Human
81. A Place to Belong
82. Advantage
83. Breakfast
:star: 84. Echoes - Letter to a Lost Child - An Echo
:star: 85. Falling - Free Fall
:star: 86. Picking up the Pieces - A Letter to a Lost Child
:star: 87. Gunshot - Abused
:star: 88. Possession - Inside the Music
:star: 89. Twilight - I Think of You
:star: 90. Nowhere and Nothing - Floating Along
:star: 91. Answers - Seeing the Picture
:star: 92. Innocence - Dance
:star: 93. Simplicity - Earthworm
:star: 94. Reality - Go Away Again
:star: 95. Acceptance - Alive Not Dead
:star: 96. Lesson - Far Worse
:star: 97. Enthusiasm - Until Pregnancy
:star: 98. Game - Russian Roulette
:star: 99. Friendship - Carebears
:star: 100. Endings - Incomplete

Commissions

Stamps (Non-Animated)
Best Friends First Half by MagicalJoey
Best Friends Second Half by MagicalJoey
This was a request from someone who wanted to share with a friend.
Visual Poetry
"-54- Tower" by MagicalJoey
Not Even a Child - Excerpts by MagicalJoey
A poem written over a background image (photograph, blank colour with border, photo manipulation).

:bulletblue: Minimum 4 stanzas (verses)
:bulletblue: Photographs can be found at MagicallJo, WrittenPhotographs (consider a donation) or one of your own can be used.
:bulletblue: Text either supplied by you, or you supply a theme and I supply the text.

Complete work will only be constructed after both image and text have been separately approved
Business Cards
Business Card Template by MagicalJoey
A business card (how does DA expect me to explain a business card)

Image/s of your choice. Text provided by you. Font chosen by you or me in proportion to the image and the text.
Group Logos (Non-Animated)
WTP Logo Idea by MagicalJoey
Words In Our Veins Logo Idea by MagicalJoey
Poets-and-Warriors Icon Idea 1 by MagicalJoey
Written Emotion Logo Idea 2 by MagicalJoey
LetUsDrawClub Logo Idea 1 by MagicalJoey
WeAreLiterature Logo Idea 2 by MagicalJoey
A logo for your group
Message Slips (A6)
Telephone Message Slips by MagicalJoey
Tender (or anything) Call Back by MagicalJoey
Telephone message slips, reminders to call someone back...anything you need a message slip for.
A6, 4 per A4 page. Colour or black and white.
Self-print and cut.
Acrostic Name Poems
Acrostic Poem Idea 1: Granny by MagicalJoey
An acrostic name poem for any name. Doesn't always have to rhyme. Can contain attributes you wish. (For example you want it to be about bravery or honesty etc)

Price stated is with background image. Note for other prices.
Index Books (A5)
Client List Front Page by MagicalJoey
Client List Index by MagicalJoey
Index books for clients, family, friends, suppliers...anyone whose details you want to keep track of.
A5, two per A4 page
NOT back-to-back
Self print and cut, including tabs
Photo Manipulation
HorrorWriters Unite 'Poster' 2 by MagicalJoey
The Rose by MagicalJoey
Butterfly Kisses by MagicalJoey
VERY RARE due to physical maladies that cause shaking (hence these take 4x as long because I shake and decapitate things)
Thus the larger price - it is very time consuming.
Gallery Icons
Gallery Icon Idea 1 by MagicalJoey
Gallery Icon Idea 2 by MagicalJoey
Icons to customise your gallery folders.

Price shown is for the biggest and most complex. For smaller icons note me for price.
Book Covers
Front Cover Both Options by MagicalJoey
A cover for that book you are writing (or want to write)

Image either from MagicallJo, WrittenPhotographs, your own stock, stock used with permission or a special request.
(Should it be a special request, I will try my best to photograph it. If I can, an extra 10 points will be charged)

Font chosen by you or I will pick one appropriate to the title.

Name-Poem

Acrostic Name Poem by Wishafriend

Visitors

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Dec 18, 2014
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Visitors Map

Locations of Site Visitors <--> Click for large view

My Fairy Name

Name of Image
Image from: www.etsy.com/transaction/11443…

My fairy name is Fruitpip Windtree

She brings gentle breezes to change the weather.
She lives in stony places and tumbling wastes.
She can only be seen when the first leaves fall from the trees.
She wears a heather-coloured dress and has silvery lilac butterfly wings.
Get your own fairy name from the fairy name generator!

Donate

MagicalJoey has started a donation pool!
4,875 / 15,000
Name of Image 1500 :points:

My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink needs a SuperGroup upgrade mid-November and Understood-Accepted early December.

I would like to use excess points as contest prizes, PM gifts or just being able to donate to others raising points for a cause.

Please also note, although this widget reflects a total, this is often incorrect as I may have more, though often less, than the reflected total.

I really want to earn any money/points, and not beg for donations, so if you would consider hiring me for one of the following it would be appreciated. If you can't hire me, or don't need to, perhaps you know of someone who does:


DA Points Commissions:


:bulletblue: A short story
:bulletblue: A poem
[Check out the 'prose' folder in my gallery for short stories or browse poetry by year]
:bulletblue: A poetry critique
[See 'Critique Widget' for examples]
:bulletblue: A simple, non-animated avatar
:bulletblue: A lit-tag
:bulletblue: A simple, non-animated group logo
[Examples found at MagicallyCreative]
:bulletblue: A simple, animated group logo
[Example: Front-2-Back ]
:bulletblue: A feature in my journal
:bulletblue: A contest promotion in my journal
:bulletblue: A group promotion in my journal
:bulletblue: A llama
:bulletblue: Proofreading of your journal/blog before you post it

Commissions based on length and/or complexity.


Much love
Jo

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My DeviantART Story

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 9, 2014, 2:40 PM



:book by Gomotes

My DeviantART Story

:book by Gomotes

2005


cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseJoined DA in December 2005.
cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase Took me until 2006 to figure out how to post a deviation

2006


Anxious - White Charcoal Portrait by Narniakid
"Anxious - White Charcoal Portrait" by :iconnarniakid: Narniakid

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI picked this picture to feature because it relates well to the first poem I submitted (and the only poem for 2006) titled "You Don't Know What It's Like" (featured below). This image, to me, showcases a lost and lonely feeling which is what I felt at the time, being undiagnosed with depression.

You Don't Know...You Don’t Know What It’s Like…
28-02-06
You don’t know what it’s like,
To be filled with a hatred so deep – so dark,
So pure in it’s evil intensity – that
Every part of you is despised…by you!
You don’t know what it’s like,
To hate yourself so much, that
You wish you were anybody else – anybody
But who you are,
Anybody but what you look like – that
You wish you were dead,
Because you think you’d be better off that way.
You don’t know what it’s like,
To hate your body so entirely, that
You despise looking in a mirror – that
You cry every time you have to buy clothes – that
You feel that nobody could ever like you,
Let alone love you,
Because you don’t even like you.
To feel that you don’t deserve friends, because
You are too ugly.
You don’t know what it’s like,
So don’t pretend you do.
You don’t know what it’s like,
Being betrayed by beings that
You

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseThis, being my first real year on DA, was the year I made my first few tentative friends. Namly, Pyrox666xPheebs , Effamay , grumpyconnie .

2007


Frida by JamieCanwyll
"Frida" by :iconJamieCawyll: JamieCanwyll

Sophistakitty(40minute) by Tidma
"Sophistakitty(40minute)" by :icontidma: Tidma
cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI picked these pieces, of a Siamese cat, to feature because one of my poems for 2008 was titled "Siamese Souls" (featured below) and spoke of the friendship I had developed with fellow deviant Pyrox666xPheebs .

Siamese SoulsSiamese Souls
4-12-07
For Pyrox666xPheebs</i>
Like a psychic predicting the future,
You know what she’s trying to say
Even if the words don’t develop into coherent sentences.
When she’s been broken by her own hand,
And, crying, she curls up inside herself,
You know her pain before it’s explained.
You know her shell,
Her heart.
You share the same hurting hearts
And malfunctioning minds.
She loves you beyond the bonds of friendship:
You are kin.
Her sister:
Joined at the soul.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase Whilst I was growing steadily as a poet, I was still very new to DA. I had made a few like-minded friends and was going about faving their works. I can't actually remember how I met them in the first place, I think, and I do stand to be corrected, that it came about when they commented upon my works. Once I had figured out how to upload text pieces I did so regularly.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase 2008 was also the year I was finally diagnosed with depression (or rather finally allowed myself to be diagnosed). This was also the year of my first stitches, as one of my cuts went too deep.

Chappy The Emotionaly Depressed Snowman by punk407
"Chappy The Emotionally Depressed Snowman" by :iconpunk407: punk407

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase This piece is chosen because I feel that I was emotionally melting down in this year. As can be shown by the three pieces below, which mark the first time a cut of mine had to be stitched.

Failure...Struggle to SurviveFailure and the Ensuing Struggle to Survive
4-06-07
Bottled-up feelings imploded
And blew out the cork,
Releasing a tsunami of emotions
That swamped and drowned her.
Swept along over logic’s edge,
She fell, consumed by her emotional waterfall,
Until there was only one way out
Visible to her numb eyes.
A rusty blade dull in the streetlight’s glow
Took her to a place of miniscule freedom,
And then brought her splashing back into captivity,
Within a single drop of blood.
The eye-shaped cut on her arm
Cried all over her hand.
With logics slow return came the realisation:
She needed help.
Calling out to a friend,
Whilst her cut cried onto the grass carpet,
She was hopeless and confused.
Ashamed of her stupidity.
Her call was answered
By someone who seems to care too much
For her twisted, ruined,
Pathetic excuse for a person.
The friend sat there with her,
Giving her strength: to tell her parents,
To seek medical help,
To try and salvage herself.
Four stitches later
A
  Altered BoundariesAltered Boundaries
2-06-07</i>
One small disappointment
Tipped her emotional scale,
And she fell off logic’s edge.
Unbalanced and illogical,
Her molehills became mountains
As she struggled to hold on.
Pain rose from her depths,
Pain without boundary or reason,
And her mental fingers slipped.
Her usual pit greeted her fall:
A rusty blade shook over her skin,
And she breathed red again.
After having held her breath for so long,
The boundaries of the pit had shifted:
Four stitches later they redefined themselves.
Now she waits entombed within her numbness,
Exhausted and unfeeling:
A cotton wool mind behind racoon eyes.
The altered boundaries
Should have her defences fortified,
But her numbed self won’t cooperate.
  Stained GrassStained Grass
1-06-07</i>
Before The Day:
The thin, succulent grass blades
Stood tall: Soldiers saluting
The snail-paced and –eaten sweet peas.
Then I partially fell out of my mind,
And escaped out into the garden.
My questions in the night,
And those tall blades became
A crushed carpet for bended knees
In search of something.
The Day:
My warped mind found solace
In a blade to eat my flesh,
And I cut…just this once…for a release.
However, the blade’s starvation
Proved too much for me to control,
And a cut much deeper than anticipated was opened.
The wounded wrist bled worse
Than any other self-made mark,
And required four stitches.
My pale hand rested upon the clean carpet
Of crushed grass: opened in surrender
As blood ran over my palm, down my pinkie,
To fall.
Drop.
By.
Drop.
Staining the grass carpet.


2008



paranoia by jvcg
"paranoia" by :iconjvcg: jvcg

Girl Talk by MSlygh
"Girl Talk" by :iconmslygh: MSlygh

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseThese two pieces are picked for they are linked in my mind around the topic of 'talking'. 2008 was the year I really started opening up in therapy, and I did so via verbally talking to my psychologist but mainly by writing poetry. I have never been a great talker, and she picked that up right from the start. Upon learning that I prefer to write she allowed me to bring my weeks worth of poems to the sessions and we would then discuss what I felt in the poems. I would then be able to talk about myself and my feelings. Very clever woman, and she made the sessions comfortable enough that the discomfort wasn't that obvious until I started talking, as is indicated by one of my poems for that year titled "Uncomfortably Therapeutic".

Uncomfortably TherapeuticUncomfortably Therapeutic
-Skeleton Keys-</i>
7-02-08
(For S.R)</i>
Your questions are skeleton keys
Opening the box where her feelings are imprisoned,
They’ve been untouched and unexamined
For all the years she can remember and many she can’t.
Locked away for so many years
The feelings have forgotten the reason for their imprisonment:
What happened to hurt her, anger her, cause her guilt, or whatever else lurks in there?
They are only ever-present names without a cause.
You open the box with your set of skeleton keys,
That box she worked so hard to create and keep locked,
And as feelings simply flood forward without a reason
She is supposed to remember ‘why’s’ and answer you.
She can’t.
This makes her uncomfortable.
She fidgets. Cracks her knuckles.
Your eyes burn into her as the silence pounds in her ears
And the escaped feelings assault her...
...but she cannot find answers to your ‘why’s’ or other questi


cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase I feel that my poetry grew this year as I was allowed and encouraged to write about what I actually felt instead of putting on a mask and just writing 'happy'. Without this ability to really write I doubt I could have effected so many people then, and now, with the pieces I write. Touching other's lives comes first from being in touch with your own.

St Paul's Cathedral London by fairytailaddict4life
"St Paul's Cathedral London" by :iconfairytailaddict4life: fairytailaddict4life

Detal, cross and candlestick by 15martunia
"Detal, cross and candlestick" by :icon15martunia: 15martunia

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseThese two pictures are featured because they highlight an area in my life which had begun to give me problems. With the depression and the self harm, I began to feel as if I wasn't really a part of anything in the church. I doubted God's love for me, yet I still served His people to the best of my ability. I would sit in church writing prayer-poems begging God for a sign, for something that would show me I was not a worthless as I felt. That I was not as far away from Him as I thought. This can be seen in the pieces "The Third Damaged Prayer" and "Damaged Prayer the Fourth" of mine featured below. I had found a niche in writing poetry in the church, though they only knew the 'fluff' pieces and not the full anguish behind the smile I wore.

The Third Damaged PrayerThe Third Damaged Prayer
-I Need to Know-</i>
For God
9-11-08
I need to know that you love me;
My brain does not understand how you could,
Why you would,
If you even should,
And it needs a reassurance of some sort – a
Reassurance that will break through
Its suffocating blanket of darkness
To make more than just sense…
To make perfect sense – not
A miracle or anything fancy,
Just some reassurance unique to me
Of your love.
I need to know,
I need to be sure.
My heart is broken – little
Pieces and particles like dust
Are all that remain.
My spirit is crushed – like
A butterfly with only one working wing
It keeps trying to fly,
But in its fragility it can always do nothing but fail.
My soul is in tatters – savaged
By the claws of darkness.
My mind – the
Dark puppeteer – controls
It all.
Break through my darkness;
Restore my broken heart,
My wounded wing
And my slivered soul – show
Me a reason to believe that you ar
  Damaged Prayer the FourthDamaged Prayer the Forth
For God
9-11-08
What if the door I obviously shut, sealed and super-glued
While running far from you in the opposite direction,
Lord, what if that door stays closed?
I turned so far from you,
And in my darkness I cannot see where you are.
I cannot have child-like faith and belief – I
Barely have belief or faith at all.
There’s something in me that wants to return,
But what if you don’t want me back?
I walked, limped, ran
So far away from you so many times…
My darkness has wasted all my chances!
It is me, I am the darkness!
I cannot control it,
Cannot stop it – how
Am I to fight myself and what seems to be a natural occurrence?
Why does evil, bad,
Pure evil,
Come so naturally to me when directed towards myself?
Lord, do I deserve another chance?
I know I don’t,
And that is why I find it so hard to believe
That you would offer me one.
I’m moldy playdough,
A cracked cup,
Why do you not throw me away?


cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase I had actively gone out of my way to make sure that nobody knew I could write, because of an incident with an ex-friend in the church that involved my true writing - the emotional me. However, they found out I could string words together coherently and asked me to read some things in church. I had to quickly churn out some fluff pieces. They enjoyed the fluff, but it left me feeling more fake than before as I couldn't grow in my writing if I had to write nonsense that pulled me back.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseIt was during this year that I started dating my first boyfriend. It was also during this time that a friend of mine from church, GenevieveL joined DA in order to be able to comment on my poems. She was one of the few lucky ones who still got to see the real me, because she cared enough to listen and not judge. I had known her as a friend since 2004 and she always encouraged me to write. And what I wrote DA was here to accept into its open arms.

2009



The Perfect Pillow by BefishProductions
"The Perfect Pillow" by :iconbefishproductions: BefishProductions

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseThis piece is chosen for a feature as it ties in nicely with what seemed to be the theme of the year 'Love'. My poetry changed to try and bring in love poetry that wasn't as cliche as most. I tried to be original, but to all things I was true to what I felt. My poetry gained a new angle to write from whilst myself and my boyfriend crossed boundary lines and became one person without any formality. (translation: began sleeping together).

LingeringLingering
18-01-09
For the one I Love
We’ve been parted for hours,
But your touch still lingers near – holding
Me close to you;
Possessing me,
Protecting me.
Parting was a sorrow not so sweet,
Yet your touch still ghosts my skin – caressing
Me gently with your fingertips;
Teasing me,
Loving me.
You’re in your part of the world,
And I’m far away in mine.
However I still feel you as close to me
As if your arms are cling-wrapped around me;
Your touch tingling me,
And your heart beating under my ear – every
Beat and every breath
Another second I have with you.
  BlessingBlessing
8-01-09
For the one I Love
I was always aware that I was lonely,
But I never knew how alone I was until my heart found its completion
In you.
Now a part of you is forever with me,
Linked with chains so strong
That they join the pieces of me as well:
You complete the complicated puzzle that is me.
No matter where you are,
If you aren’t next to me you are too far away.
Wherever you go a piece of me goes with you,
So wherever you are is too far unless you are with me:
You take my heart with you wherever you go.
I never before knew happiness that bubbles,
Like a geyser,
To burst forth in a rush and explode over me
At simply the thought of a person…
Until there was you.
You turned my practiced, neutral face
Into a goofy smile,
A smile that reaches my eyes with star-sparkles.
Those smiles used to be rare,
Now rarely a day passes where I do not smile.
Lending strength when I am weak,
You’re my rock to fall upon when I cannot stand.
Though, I do add
 

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseThese three pieces of mine are chosen because they show that I was branching out into love/lust poetry, a branch I had never considered strong for my writing skills. I was beginning to realise that as a poet I should be experimenting with different formats and styles and genres. DA was, as always, accepting. I had begun to make some more friends here, KieWakakie and someone who no longer wishes to associate with me.

2010


bye. by Joceysheep
"bye." by :iconjoceysheep: Joceysheep

miscarriage by MarletRomero
"miscarriage" by :iconmarletromero: MarletRomero

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI chose to feature these two pieces because they speak of the horror that is a miscarriage. On October 3 2010 I suffered a miscarriage and lost my baby boy. It is still the saddest moment in my life to date. My DA friends, who by now included Diluculi , DarlingAngel0565 , KieWakakie , AngstOfZant all tried to rally around me, but I boycotted the PC and boycotted writing to an extent. It looked as if my poetry would go backwards, that I would lose the skill, as this period was the longest non-writing period I had ever gone through.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase I also had huge trouble with God during this time - he had given me a miracle and had taken it away. I called Him an 'Abusive Father'. Anger fueled me the few times I could get out of bed, and it was on this anger that my poems survived, and thus my DA journey survived too. In anger I wrote many pieces, the best of which are featured below. I was angry at my boyfriend, who dumped me as soon as he learned I was pregnant because a child didn't fit into his plans at the time. He was furious that I wouldn't abort.

Almost LostAlmost Lost
4-11-10
Bl..blood?
Blood!
Oh! God! Blood!
It's only a little bit,
A few spots...
There shouldn't be any!
What's happening?
Blood...clots?
Clots...clots are bad!
They definitely shouldn't be there!
Oh God! Help!
Mommy?
Mommy, wake up...
I'm bleeding mommy!
Help me!
It's browny blood mommy,
So it's old blood...
That's ok?
That's ok...right?
The internet says it's ok...
Does that mean it's ok?
Oh God, dear God,
Why is there blood?
Okay, breathe.
Calm yourself down
Before you make it worse.
Control your breathing – through
Your mouth because your nose is blocked – and
DON'T CRY!
(Anymore)!
Don't get emotional – it will transfer...
Which isn't good.
Mommy?
Mommy, wake up...
Please?!
There's still blood mommy!
And now it's pink...
And there are still clots!
Pink means it's not old blood anymore...
It's new, fresh!
I'm scared mommy!
What do I do?
I'm bleeding mommy!
Is my baby going to be ok?
  Write Away and HideWrite Away and Hide
30-11-10
I pour ink onto a page
In words of many shapes and sizes;
Each one holding the hope
That maybe, by writing it all down,
It'll be ok...I'll be ok.
But it doesn't work
The way it's supposed to...
Because I can write about pain,
But I can't write the pain away.
I can't write away the pain
That has seared this soul:
Once, it was just raw,
Now it is burned and bleeding.
I can't write away the tears
That bleed from my eyes
Like liquid fire,
To burn the heart I'm desperately trying to freeze.
Nobody knows, that
This heart trying to stay frozen
Bleeds pain and hurt
Faster than I can type:
Emotions I don't want to feel
And those who know
Try not to see...
How much of my pain am I allowed
To let others see?
How much of my pain can they handle,
Before they crack and break too?
I try to replace the heart I lost
When God took my life from me.
I pour ink onto a page
In lieu of emotions I don't want to feel.
But it hardly ever works.
It just brings the emoti
  Money Couldn't Buy MeMoney Couldn't Buy Me
8-11-10
It all revolved around money – every
Word you uttered,
Every lament you lamented.
Every gift you brought bore the invisible label:
I wasted what I could have saved
To buy you this.
Money was the centre of your universe,
Not love.
I would have lived with you in a cardboard box
Out on the street in the rain...
So great was my love for you!
But love wasn't money,
So you ignored it.
If you stay so stubborn,
So hard-hearted and immobile,
If your attitude doesn't change
And your mind,
Once made,
Stays so impeccable and unwrinkled
You could bounce people off it – injuring
The people but not wrinkling your plan – if
Nothing changes in you,
Love will never be enough.
You may get your perfect trophy companion,
But you will still wonder why you are lonely and alone.
You had your plans,
And your plans were engraved deeper into stone
Than the ten commandments.
Six 'simple' steps:
Did you ever think that maybe the plan
Wasn't realistic?
That
 

Shattered Soul, Broken HeartShattered Soul; Broken Heart; Faith in Flames
1-11-10
(To the Pastor)
I always believed God existed;
He has saved my physical life
So many times that I can't not believe in Him.
But I've spent my whole life doubting
If He can love me.
If I can't love me, and most of His people
Can't love me either,
How can He?
Still, I loved Him with everything I had;
My music, my gifts, my passions.
I served Him with everything I had
And some things I never knew I posessed.
And for a few years
His house was the only place
Where I belonged.
Service to Him
Was the only place where I could find my purpose,
Where I could find peace.
And then God wrenched all that from my grasp,
Breaking my fingers as I tried hard to not let go.
But God won,
And I went away to nurse my wounds – but
Now my tale isn't chronological...
One day God brought into my life
Two people I don't deserve to know;
I didn't deserve them then
And I still don't deserve them now.
They loved me and accepted me
Wh
  Just Another Abusive FatherJust Another Abusive Father
17-10-10
"My father, who art in heaven..."
You made me as I am,
And I hate you for it.
You knitted me together in my mother's womb,
But dropped so many stitches
That I have holes in every part of me:
Physical, emotional, spiritual, mental holes.
Why was there a fault in my design?
Yet, it has been said that you don't make mistakes...
...if you don't make mistakes,
Then you made me on purpose.
And, thus, you must either have had great need
For a court-jester...
...or you simply don't love me and didn't care.
You have hung me out for so long,
That the moths have come and gorged upon me:
Even my holes have holes...
...and none of them can be fixed, nor filled,
By you.
You said that 'in all things'
You work for the 'good' of those who love you.
I loved you.
For many years I hung on,
Through trials, tortures and trouble.
I suffered more than the slings and arrows
Of outrageous fortune,
But I never managed to shuffle off my mortal coil.
I hung on, to


cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseAs with the previous year's poetry being influenced by love, this years poetry was influenced heavily by pain, hate and fear. DA weathered it well, and out of all of my misery I formed my first ever DA group - :iconmy-soul-bleeds-ink: and we held our first contest. Since then this group has been actively participating in forms challenges, contests and secret Santa events.

2011


Can't do this anymore. by LadyDeathCandy
"Can't do this anymore" by :iconladydeathcandy: LadyDeathCandy

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI chose to feature this piece because this was me at the beginning of 2011. After isolating myself for three months and trying to deal with the miscarriage I realised I couldn't deal and that the only option was for me to go. So on January 3 2011, exactly three months after I lost my little boy I cut for the last time - intention to kill. It didn't work out and I ended up in a clinic where they treat psychiatric patients. I met some interesting people, but mainly kept to myself trying to learn as many life skills as I could during the three weeks of my stay, While I didn't write for those three weeks, it gave me plenty of ideas of what to write about when I felt better.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI also had a rough year with the church. I had been subtly maneuvered out of church in 2010, and wondered if I could ever go back. I tried once or twice, but gave up. The look on the pastor's face when he had been told of the miscarriage - that look of 'I told you so', that look plus the fact that nobody, not even though who called themselves my friends, not the pastor, came to visit me in the clinic. GenevieveL was the only one from the church who was there. 

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseThe writing of this time was fueled by trying to understand the lessons they were trying to teach within the clinic. One clinic wasn't enough, so I went to another for a month in May of 2011. Here they decided to diagnose me with schizophrenia and gave me anti-psychotics. I had to go to support group after I was out, every Monday morning, where we would talk in a group for an hour and then do some beading as a craft, and then have individual assessments with the doctors.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase Throughout this all I could not forget my son. Neither could I forget the financial strain the family was under.

Happily in HeavenHappily in Heaven
27-11-11
My thoughts of you
Ebb and flow like the tide,
Yet you are never far from my heart.
I wonder what you would have looked like…
…my nose? His eyes?
You would have taken the best of us
And made it uniquely you.
My love for you
Is still as wide as the wall
Around my soul – you
Slipped through the cracks
And landed straight in my heart.
I often wonder things about you:
Would you have been stubborn,
Like your parents.
Would you have wormed your way
Into his heart, although
He swore he could never love you.
You are still my child, even though
I will only meet you when I pass through
Heaven's holy gates.
All I can hope for is this:
You know that I wanted you
With all my heart,
And that you  know I refused to kill you – I
Fought for your life
Against the insurmountable stubbornness
That was your father.
I will love you forever.
I will never forget the 10 weeks
You spent inside me.
I will never forget the day you died;
I can
  StupidityStupidity
21-04-11
It's funny how you can still hurt me
Although we broke contact so long ago.
I still see us at our wedding when I hear that song,
But as we are no longer in contact how can that be?
I know I hallucinate, but this is stronger than that.
I know it's stupid to miss you,
You with your conditions and regulations,
But, in all stupidity, I miss having you around.
I miss your strong arms around me lending me strength.
I miss how we played RE 5
And I was a good partner in killing zombies.
There are parts I don't miss,
Like seeing our child's heartbeat for the first time
With my mother holding my hand and you miles away.
Like seeing that heartbeat stop
With my mother holding my hand and you miles away.
I've grown from this experience,
And will not be emotionally abused or used again...
But I worry that you have stayed the same:
We both needed to change,
And I am on that path;
Are you?
  A Miracle NeededA Miracle Needed
25-02-11
God please help me,
I don't know what to do.
My mother's in tears
And I can only come to You.
We're so in the red,
That it's causing family strife.
God please can you help her,
Help her with her life.
God it is said,
That you have the power,
So grant us our prayer
And help us in this hour.
We simply need money,
To square off all the debt,
God can you help us?
Why are we kept
In this limbo,
Of not knowing where to turn.
Each way we go we hit a wall,
Every where we're burned.
God can you help us,
We don't know what to do.
They treat us like outcasts,
And You were an outcast too.
It's said you've experienced everything
That we feel here on earth,
That means you know our pain,
You know our doubts of self-worth.
God send a miracle,
We could really use one now.
God, be our saviour,
Help us in this hour.
  My DoctorMy Doctor
8-2-11
My doctor needs to buy a watch
That tells the correct time,
Because he's always running late;
This psychiatrist of mine.
He never answers messages
Within the hour they're sent,
Instead he waits for midnight;
He's playing with my head!
If I ever need his helping voice,
I don't think I will call,
Because I always get his voicemail,
Which doesn't help at all.
My doctor needs to buy a watch,
Or check his fancy phone,
'Cos if ever there's an emergency
I'll be stuck there all alone.
  More Than a YearMore Than a Year
28-11-11
It's been more than a year
since I last saw you;
your picture sits on my shelf
coated in cobwebs - but
I cannot bear to look,
cannot bear to see what I lost.
Your heartbeat is stuck in my mind
like a thorn in a shoe - poking
through at inconvenient times.
I remember the little pulsing bean,
and the thought that this was my little bean
who was going to grow into a fine
human-bean.
It was not to be.
Singed into my memory is the day
your little pulse flickered off - the
day that you died;
the last day I saw your picture.
I miss you - you
were the spark that ignited my love
and burned my relastionship to a crisp.
It's been more than a year
since I last saw you.
 

2012



Star Physician by self-replica
"Star Physician" by :iconself-replica: self-replica

A Wise Physician Indeed...~ by aliciahart015
"A Wise Physician Indeed" by :iconaliciahart015: aliciahart015

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI chose to feature these images for several reasons. In 2012 it felt as if I was surrounded by mad doctors trying every combination of medication to try 'fix' this schizophrenia. I wrote a few poems and suddenly I was a magician. I didn't write a lot about therapy, my main writing was about the pain I still felt at the loss of my baby, the anger I still felt at my ex- and at God. Anger and pain fueled many a poem. DA gave me groups to put them into as I expanded myself within the group system, joining literary groups and making even more friends like BloodshotInk , vespera , FuzzyHoser .

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase Through the pieces below you can see my constant sadness or anger or both. This year I was extremely miffed with my treating docs at the clinic as they told me they had drawn my diagnosis out of a hat as they had been presented with two options and instead of test out both they had just picked one. I left that clinic and found a new psychiatrist. He told me the truth: I was not schizophrenic and never had be. I was bipolar, mildly, I had depression, majorly, and anxiety, mildly. He recommended I go back to the first clinic from the year before, and I did. Trying to learn as much as possible. One of the poems featured below (Use The Angels On Your Road) was based on that self-same sentence uttered by my OT.

Use The Angels on Your RoadUse The Angels on Your Road
29-08-12
Use the angels on your road,
To help you face what you can't face alone.
Use those you meet along the way,
To get you through your harshest day.
Use the angels that you meet,
To help you get back on your feet.
And when you feel you can't go on,
Let them help you to be strong.
Shelter under angel's wings
To face the turmoil that life brings;
Use the angels on your road
So you don't face this world alone.
  How?How?
4-01-12
Do you really know what it's like
To lose those you love?
The boyfriend who promised forever,
Until forever got too complex.
The child you carried for 10 weeks,
Whose heart stopped beating.
Do you know what it's like?
I loved that boyfriend.
I never thought that anyone could love
Fat, old, Depressed, Schizophrenic me...
...but he said he did.
I believed in love,
I wanted happiness...
...I got hell.
I fought for that baby – it
Was my hope in a bad situation.
I refused termination
And that terminated the boyfriend...
How does one love a man,
Who emails you to say
That he would have respected you more
Had you terminated the pregnancy?
How do you find love in that situation?
  Bring Me HomeBring Me Home
27-11-11
I'm full of sorrow
and cold, bitter pain.
I've come to your cross;
come here again.
I need to feel your love,
unfailing 'till the end.
I need it to surround me
so that my heart can mend.
Lord, do You still love me?
Are You even there?
I'm full of pain and bitter doubt,
Do You even care?
Lord, do You remember me?
Your child lost for so long.
Lord, do You accept me,
even though I've done You wrong?
Were You also saddened
the day my baby died?
Lord, did You see me weeping?
Did tears fall from Your eyes?
Lord, I'm lost but seeking,
I'm scared and I'm alone.
Please send Your Spirit to me;
Let it bring me home.


God, I Can'tGod, I Can't
4-10-12
God where are you, why did you leave?
I can't go on, I can barely breathe.
Where is the love that should be in my heart?
I can't go on, we're too far apart.
God where are you when I cannot speak?
I can't go on, I am too weak.
Where are you when the nights are so long?
I can't go on, I can't go on.
God where were you, when my baby died?
I can't go on without anyone by my side.
Where are the tears that I should be crying?
I can't go on, my soul is dying.
God what was your plan when you took him from me?
I can't go on, I cannot see.
Where are you, as I'm lost again?
I can't go on, there's too much pain.
God where are you now, why have you gone away?
I can't go on, I've strayed
Where is your love, your mercy, your grace?
I can't go on, I can't see your face.
God why is this what I have to go through?
I can't go on, I'm too far from you.
Where are you, as I'm lost again?
I can't go on, there's too much pain.
  ThankfulThankful
5-11-12
If it wasn’t for DeviantArt I would have no friends,
Nobody to talk to over MSN on lonely nights
When I fear my Depression will consume me.
I have found comfort in words of understanding,
Both written and spoken by friends and like-minded people.
The idiom ‘birds of a feather flock together’ runs deep and true,
And the friends I’ve made are close to my heart.
They will always be a part of me,
I’m thankful for their honesty and love,
And I will hold on to them fiercely.
Then you get to my groups,
The reason I get up in the mornings;
Organisation, blogs, contests, prompts,
Features, new friends, critiques.
I run so many different groups,
And each has the potential to touch a life
In a different way.
To recognise someone’s talent,
To offer a honest critique to someone seeking one.
I’m thankful for my groups,
Because they give me something to look forward to.
And finally, though not least of all,
You get the literatur
  Back Into ItBack Into It
31-12-12
I wrote it out of you this morning,
The urge to die,
But now it plagues me.
As the time ticks towards the year’s passing,
I wonder how much more my mind can handle –
How many more issues will institutionalise me?
I can hear your voice,
Telling me to think of the ones left behind,
But in the moment of such pain
There is nobody but me.
Pain sends its sharpened, icy fingers through my heart again,
As I remember him, both of them,
And I realise that I will start the year as I ended it;
Alone.
I wrote you out of it this morning,
But I am writing myself right back into it.



cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI spent Christmas of 2012 with my family and missing the boy who should have been there. I decided to kill myself, but my friend KieWakakie talked me out of it over Skype. I owe him my life.

2013



Mental Muppet by JJMitchellTaylor
"Mental Muppet" by :iconjjmitchelltaylor: JJMitchellTaylor

HUG! -Updated- by rabbitmaskedman
"HUG!" by :iconrabbitmaskedman: rabbitmaskedman
Me and friend by Myrto1997
"Me and friend" by :iconmyrto1997: Myrto1997

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI picked these three images to feature because they showcase a few things. I was still very much trapped in my bipolar, depression and anxiety. It hit me half-way through the year when a mutual friend tried to make the third party look and feel bad. When I defended she turned on me and blocked me (good) but sent me a disturbing message first. I tried killing myself and ended back in the clinic, but this time a new one. They helped me deal with the death of James and while I was away DA helped me with my friends BloodshotInk , Diluculi , KieWakakie , AngstOfZant , DarlingAngel0565  organising some speeches for a memorial service for my son. They stuck by me throughout this time and helped make a hard day easier. Whilst they couldn't physically be with me, they were with me in spirit. I spent most of this year writing thank you pieces and then questioning God again - wondering if I should go back.

Why Wake Up Tomorrow?Why Wake Up Tomorrow?
15-5-13
March 12 2006.
My best friend told me I was too negative
And said I shouldn’t ever speak with her again.
She didn’t want to have anything more to do with me;
My depression just didn’t meet her standards.
I stopped talking to people after that.
Kept every poem I wrote a secret
That only my heart knew about.
I didn’t befriend a soul,
Because what if they left too?
And then two random British people
Wormed their way into my life,
But that’s another story.
I stopped talking to ‘real’ people,
And found online people instead.
May 15 2013.
A close online friend told me every word she had said to me was a lie.
That I was ugly and would never find a man,
Except one that I could ply with drinks
To get a good fuck...
...and maybe not have a miscarriage this time.
She said that my psych meds and depression
Were things that bugged her.
That she had been pretending to care,
And that she should have let me die
Instead of talking
  Thank You Kathryn O DriscollThank You Kathryn O Driscoll
31-7-13
I think you’re slightly psychic,
Or else there is a link
Between the times that I feel crap
And the way you think.
You sent me hugs and wishes,
From yourself and strangers too,
And they came at the exact time
That I was torn in two.
I know that someone’s out there
Who cares enough to see,
That there are times when I can’t cope;
Who simply cares for me.
You’re an enormous blessing
Within this fucked-up life,
And I am glad I met you,
Even with all my strife.
So thank you for your foresight,
For your love and for your care.
Thank you for telekinesis,
And simply being there.
  Thank You KathrynODriscoll (Again)Thank You KathrynODriscoll (Again)
28-8-13
I did not think more thanks would come
So soon after the first,
But your kindness is an oasis
Where I can sate my thirst.
You took on a task not usually asked
To one with no spiritual degree,
And came up with a perfect rose
That thrives without theology.
It’s simple, yet carries more power
Than any sermon I have ever heard,
And within one single minute
You found the perfect words.
So once again I’m at a desk,
This time with a real pen,
Because once more when I needed you
You stood high above all men.
Thank you DiluculiThank you Diluculi
10-9-2013
I was sick, and you visited me every day –
Even though the visits were via telephone
Because you live across land and seas
I cannot cross.
I was helpless. Stuck with no way
To administrate, to plan, to move…
And in my quest for moving forward
You were there by my side
Organising everything I couldn’t  do:
Speakers, messages, words of encouragement.
You deserve more than the words I can give you
As thanks for what you did.
When I was frustrated, irritated, lonely or sad
You simply spoke with me;
A simple push of a button connecting two friends.
Thank you Riddle – for everything.
When I needed a bass student
You were the first one…
And then you brought a friend.
When I needed to contact people I could not
You were the ‘middleman’
Taking flak from both sides
As frustrations crept in.
You gave words of comfort to a shell-shocked soul
At three in the morning
When sleeping tablets had failed.
I owe yo


Thank You Is Not EnoughThank You Is Not Enough
27-9-13
Hear Me Read It
I see two zeros and a lump forms
In the place where I should be able to swallow,
But the lump stops the swallowing
And teases tears, daring them to drop
From eyes that have long since ceased
Watering the hair on my cheeks.
Something grabs my heart and squeezes it
Like a stress-ball until it feels squashed,
Full of fingerprints from a simple gesture
That has left my everything confused.
Two zeros attach my lungs to my heart
As it constricts in confusion because kindness
And goodness and grace have never followed me
All of my days, and now they come in an
Abundance of little slivers shaking up my mind
Because this brain doesn’t know where to file these files.
Thank you for those two zeros.
There is no word of gratitude that can eclipse ‘thank you’
But there should be
Because those words don’t convey
The expanse of the emotional gratitude
Felt when weary an
  Conversing With GodConversing With God
29-8-13
I’ve walked alone along my own path believing
I was in control;
That my future was hopeless
And all I was was your idea of a practical joke…
Someone to throw troubles and trials at
Just so you could laugh at
My feeble attempts to make my mountains
Into mole-hills I could deal with.
The day your people threw me from your house into
The wild wide world where wolves wait at every turn,
That day my faith became a candle
Whose flame was drowning in melted wax:
How could I trust a God
Who created hypocrites in his image?
Flickering, faith seemed impossible,
I could have denied your existence
But for two people who never stopped showing your true side.
Two people made in your true image…
They are souls burning with faith, hope, trust,
And they have indirectly imprinted these onto me.
When I stopped praying believing you to be deaf,
They continued to life me up in words spoken to you
That I will never know.
They stood by my side as
  Letting Go to LiveLetting Go to Live
30-8-13
I lost my little human-bean
About three years ago.
And today I set his spirit free
By letting my hurt go.
It was not an easy task to listen,
Even to the songs,
But the ceremony brought peace to me
That’s settled in my heart where it belongs.
Were the others thinking of their losses
During that ceremony?
As my heart forced my mind to remove the mask
And truly let the tears run free.
And when my ‘cowboy’ brother
Held me briefly in his arms,
He showed me that he loves me
And he’ll protect me from all harm.
I’ve never had as much support
As I received today.
From family, friends and ‘strangers’
Here to help me break away
From the hurt that was festering inside
For so many years,
They helped me to let go of
The guilt and blame and fear.
I’ll be forever grateful
For the chance to finally live,
Handed to me by ‘strangers’
Who cared enough to give.


cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseLike I said, a lot of thanks that year. My psychologist decided to treat me without charging me, as we could not afford a psychologist. My friends jumped in to help when needed. I also started making more aquaintences throughout groups like WordWars , ProjectDFC . These people started renewing my faith in my writing through comments and faves. As I became more involved more people started watching me and commenting on my pieces.

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcase Somewhere within these years I became a senior member, but I cannot remember the year.

2014



08.12 by Bloody-Cross
"08.12" by :iconbloody-cross: Bloody-Cross

Engaging Your Patients on Social Media NOW by Quaintisemarketing
"Engaging your Patients on Social Media NOW" by :iconquaintisemarketing: Quaintisemarketing

cat-emote for Amulet-Cross by MenInASuitcaseI picked these picture to feature because I was still battling to get to know God on a personal level. This year was marked with another trip to the clinic, where I was encouraged to write out what I had trouble speaking. This encouragement kept me writing, although most of the pieces came out neutral due to emotional problems of my own. Now we come to the end of the year and still DA offers me a save haven for my most intimate thoughts. I have made new friends, DeeryDeerth , TwilightPoetess , chromeantennae SilverInkblot IrrevocableFate . I received my first DD (Daily Deviation) on my piece "Cupcakes and Tea" (featured here).

1,74m - 136kg1,74m – 136kg
12-10-14
You’ve told me your secrets in poems fashioned like skeletons;
Here hangs a rib with a story,
Why there lies a hand with a scar.
I feel drawn in to this stripping down to the bone
And parading around in front of the many unknown faces including your own.
I avoid mirrors with the passion of the vampire who knows it will show nothing...
...nothing good in my case.
But when a twist in the shower forces me
Face first
Into its glassy stare, why then
I am forced to look and see it.
It is what I am becoming, taking suggestions from here
And pulling answers from there.
“Too thick”, “Too hairy”, “Too much”.
Words like those mould me into shapes I don’t recognise
Because they are not the me I want to be.
Confusion wisps within a mind told that “less is more”...
Less food, less fat, less water, less excess weight, less eyebrows, less expression.
Less me.
Yes there are times when I look down at m
  CaterflyCaterfly
18-10-14
A green caterpillar, new to the world,
Went to church every Sunday since she was four;
Granny went to church so she would too.
She grew up with God but not in God,
Even when churches changed
And she became Baptist to granny’s Pentecostal.
A green caterpillar, new to Religion,
Went to church twice a Sunday since she was fourteen;
Granny was down the road worshipping in another format
But apparently God was God to all and in all.
She grew up with knowledge, but knowledge wasn’t power.
Eventually granny died, and with her kindness and love.
A green caterpillar, jealous of Spirituality,
Went to church without thinking;
It was a task, a duty since she was four and old enough to walk with granny.
She found purpose and peace in the Sunday music teams
Where she played and sang as much as depression allowed.
God became realer, slowly he revealed himself in purpose and passion,
Until that was snatched away by religious fanatics who wanted everything pe
  Cupcakes and TeaCupcakes and Tea
9-01-14
“Oh dear, what's the matter,”
said the Hare to the Hatter
while the Doormouse soundlessly snored.
“What just can't compare,”
said Hatter to Hare,
“is the fact that I'm hungry and bored.”
“Twinkle, twinkle,” was heard
as the sleepy Mouse stirred,
“We're British, by jove, we like tea!”
So the Hare plated up
while Hatter poured cups
and they both had a cupcake or three.


Dear CaterflyDear Caterfly
19-10-14
My darling wanderer, you have come home at last.
Even though you were far from me
I was never far from you;
You merely had to look up to see me,
Look around you to see my beauty
And look towards your friends to see my love in action.
I missed you darling being;
Your voice has been silent in my chorus for far too long –
Hearing it again was the sweetest music to my ears.
Even though the words were unfamiliar the message was the same,
And even when your voice was silenced by the unfamiliarity
Your heart was heard in full song.
I pray you come back again and again,
Meet my people, but most importantly meet me once more.
I have missed your questions, your cries and your opinions;
Silence does not become you.
Come be an advocate for me, but most importantly just come,
As you are,
And be my child once more.
I love you caterfly,
Always have.
From the moment I created you until the second you find yourself in now
Know my love, my grace, my peace and r
  Dear Caterfly #2Dear Caterfly
20-10-14
I am here waiting for you,
Waiting to restore you to your former health
And to an even greater degree of happiness.
Trust in me. Trust. In. Me.
Forget her who makes writing hard
And find your writing in me,
Root it in me so that it may never be swayed for such a period again.
Let me be the tree from which you pick the pages to write,
The bark from which you make the pencil,
The crumbled fruit from which you make the ink.
Forgive her who makes writing hard
And find in me strength to pick up the pen and mark the perfection of a page.
Let your words free –
Let them bless those they are intended to bless,
Those whom I thought might need a blessing from you today,
Tomorrow,
Every day you write.
I will restore you to books and books of written words.
It is I who gives imagination and I have given you pleanty...
...use it! Write something substantial with your poetry.
I am here waiting for you,
You will be restored and you will be blessed and a bless
  Christmas WishChristmas Wish
6-12-14
Just when I think I’ve forgotten something,
Something small,
Reminds me of you
And I am floored yet again by sadness and the cruelty of it all.
I miss you deeply, truly, fully.
It’s been more than four years since you were taken
And I still see your face
In every child I see.
I wonder at what you would have been:
Hair – brown? Eyes – blue? Skin – fair?
Crinkly, curly, soft, hard...
...what would you have looked like?
It’s amazing that I don’t know the answer to this question
Yet you look like every baby boy I’ve ever seen.
I watch them love their mothers
And my heart bursts into molten tears
As I realise you never got to love me as much as I love you.
So this Christmas,
As with every Christmas,
I wish you were here to share the fun and feasting.
To play with baubles and wrapping,
Toys and toes.
To swim and chase the dogs.
I love you my boy,
I miss you so much,
And I wish you were here.


All in all, for me, DA has provided a safe home for me and my intimate thoughts. It has challenged me with prompts and contests. It has been challenging, (trying to raise points) but always safe. I have met so many wonderful people on this site and I only hope for that to continue.


:book by Gomotes

THE END

:book by Gomotes





My Wishlist



:bulletred: 8000 points to re-upgrade two of my groups to Super status.

:bulletgreen: A Christmas Card or letter in the post (note for address) (I love receiving post!).

:bulletred: Interesting books (note for address) that I might enjoy reading.

:bulletgreen: Something written, drawn etc for me (I don't get that enough and it's lovely!)

:bulletred: Music! Either nice clickity links I can clickity (like the YouTubes) or even in CD format (note for address). (If CD format then perhaps something my Idina Menzel or Eleanor McEvoy or Celtic Woman or 2 Cellos)

:bulletgreen: For you to smile at least once during the day.

:bulletred: For you to donate something to Beccalicious 's Critmas fund.

:bulletgreen: A bookmark or fifty from SilverInkblot .

:bulletred: For you to comment as much (or more) than you fave.

:bulletgreen: Money for a haircut.






joannebolton.wordpress.com




I cannot afford to update two if my groups back to their super-status. These groups function mainly because that status is there to allow me to use loads of custom widgets to organise things, skins and images to make journals approachable, etc. Please read the group notes below and maybe think of donating:




1

:iconmy-soul-bleeds-ink:
:new: :bulletblack: I need 4000 points to update this group (I have 500 of my own). Please send all donations to me, marked for the group. Also consider sponsoring us if you are able. If you want to do this please send the full amount to me with a note saying its for the group. Every journal entry for the rest of the year will have a byline saying: Journal made possible by <your dev name> (Free advertising for you!)
:bulletred: We will be hosting our 'Secret Santa' soon so be on the lookout for the journal about that.
:bulletorange: We will be hosting a 'Christmas/Winter' contest in which I will need prizes and two judges. (Judges may enter but cannot win).
:bulletyellow: I am looking for some more dedicated admins. The tasks would be minimal (I am a control freak) but I need people I can trust.
Note me if you would like to donate to the contest, be a judge or become an admin.

2

:iconunderstood-accepted:
:new: :bulletblack: I need 4000 points to update this group (I have 500 of my own). Please send all donations to me, marked for the group. Also consider sponsoring us if you are able. If you want to do this please send the full amount to me with a note saying its for the group. Every journal entry for the rest of the year will have a byline saying: Journal made possible by <your dev name> (Free advertising for you!)
:bulletred: We might be hosting a 'Secret Santa'.

3

:iconordinary-writing:
:bulletred: We will be having a 'Christmas/Winter' contest and need prizes and judges (judges may enter but cannot win)
:bulletorange: We are looking for admins. They should be eager and happy to work in a prose-centric environment. They should be trustworthy.
To donate a prize, become a judge or apply as admin please note me.


4

:iconadopt-a-writer:
We are looking for two things:
:bulletgreen: Mentors!
We are currently sitting with people waiting for adoption who have been there since I took over the group last year. Granted some are probably no longer active on DA but I can only know that if I pair them up with someone and they don't respond. I am particularly looking for mentors who like more than two genres (I get a lot of fantasy and sci-fi, but there are some waiting who have other likes) and at least one mentor who likes fan fiction as I know there is one mentee with fan fiction as their strong point. However, if you are a one genre, non-fan fiction person please don't hesitate to fill out the form anyway and wait your new pet mentee who will (hopefully) appreciate the time you are putting into the relationship and (hopefully) one day become a friend.

:bulletblue: Admins!
We lost some of our admins at the end of August for inactivity. What are the duties of an admin?
:bulletpink: Look through the threads in our back room where we post the submissions and suggest likely pairs to MagicalJoey who will send out the 'congratulations you are adopted/you have adopted' letters (as I have a system).
:bulletpurple: Promote the group in your own journals occasionally to get in more members, specifically mentors at this stage.

And that's it!
There should be an "Admin Application Form" in the journal on our main page, but in the event that I have accidentally deleted it, or you can't find it, you can note MagicalJoey - please only if you can't find the form.


5

:icongrammarnazicritiques:
We are still looking for two things:
:bulletblack: Prose entries to critique
We are running out of entries in our prose folder and the critics need something to do. Please help us out by mentioning us to people or submitting work yourself. REMEMBER to read our rules first.

:bulletred: Poetry Critics
With most of our critics having come in the time of prose-need we are now short on poetry critics. What do you have to do as a critic?
:bulletorange: Commit to a minimum of two critiques per month (but the more the merrier)

REMEMBER you can still submit your own work to be critiqued by another critic.






Skin by endlesssly | CSS by mxlove
  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: The Lord of the Rings - Blind Guardians
  • Reading: Vodka - Boris Starling
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: /
  • Eating: Chocolate
  • Drinking: Diet Cola

deviantID

MagicalJoey
Jo
Artist | Literature
South Africa
I'm a relatively simple person who likes to write. I value honesty, especially in comments and critiques, and loyalty.

If you are going to fave something of mine it would be nice if you could leave a comment as well. It is not required, but feedback is always welcome.

If you need to talk about anything feel free to note me.

Profile picture was a gift from :iconmelissadalton: [MelissaDalton]

The Most Important Things to Me

A Word about Loss by stillinmyheart

Mother of an angel - stamp by xpekalx

Pregnancy-N-Infant Loss Month by jenepooh

Song/s of the Day/Week/Month/Hour

Come As You Are - David Crowder

:bulletred::bulletred::bulletred: CHRISTIAN SONG :bulletred::bulletred::bulletred:

Hire Me for Something

I really want to earn any money/points, and not beg for donations, so if you would consider hiring me for one of the following it would be appreciated. If you can't hire me, or don't need to, perhaps you know of someone who does:

DA Points Commissions:


:bulletblue: A short story
:bulletblue: A poem
[Check out the 'prose' folder in my gallery for short stories or browse poetry by year]
:bulletblue: A poetry critique
[See 'Critique Widget' for examples]
:bulletblue: A simple, non-animated avatar
:bulletblue: A lit-tag
:bulletblue: A simple, non-animated group logo
[Examples found at MagicallyCreative]
:bulletblue: A simple, animated group logo
[Example: Front-2-Back ]
:bulletblue: A feature in my journal
:bulletblue: A contest promotion in my journal
:bulletblue: A group promotion in my journal
:bulletblue: A llama
:bulletblue: Proofreading of your journal/blog before you post it

Commissions based on length and/or complexity.


Proofreading, Editing, Formatting, Typing, Designing, etc


:bulletblue: I have proofread and edited three books written by Mr Mian Mohsin Zia from Pakistan (books can be found here mianmohsinzia.com/ as well as the author's biography and several other projects by the author, including short texts for use in a voice-over video or in a script).
:bulletblue: I have proofread and edited a script for Mr N Mhlanga
:bulletblue: I have formatted a CV and done typing work for Mr Philip Bateman
:bulletblue: I have designed business cards for "Jenny's Hair", "Beady Buddies", "Painted Linen" etc.
:bulletblue: I have designed a brochure for an inter-provincial field hockey tournament, as well as the certificates for the tournament.
:bulletblue: I have designed Christmas, Valentine, birthday, thank you and other cards.

Everything mentioned above, including reviews and more can be found on my website: www.preader.weebly.com www.preader.weebly.com


Bass Guitar Lessons:


:bulletblue: I have taught lessons from pre-beginner to intermediate level, both face-to-face and over Skype.
:bulletblue: No prior music knowledge needed.
:bulletblue: All you need is the equipment - guitar, amp, lead, tuner and strap.

Information, and reviews can be found on my website: www.basicallybass.weebly.com www.basicallybass.weebly.com


Piano Lessons:


:bulletblue: I have taught lessons from pre-beginner to intermediate level face-to-face. Skype will work with wireless laptop and webcam.
:bulletblue: No prior music knowledge needed.

Information can be found on my website: www.basicallybass.weebly.com www.basicallybass.weebly.com under the 'Piano' tab


English Lessons:


:bulletblue: I taught English online for a year in 2010
:bulletblue: I have taught lessons face-to-face and over Skype.

Information can be found on my website: www.engteaching.weebly.com www.engteaching.weebly.com


Beaded Goods: (Beady Buddies)


Beaded goods ranging from plain key rings to 3D key rings, earrings and more.

Specific items can be requested and made up if possible. Shipping costs will be negotiated. Visit my website: www.beadybuddies.weebly.com www.beadybuddies.weebly.com


Hand-Painted Items: (Painted Linen)


I can offer hand-painted cushions, tablecloths, etc - if it's white I can paint on it.

Contact me for a personalised gift for a loved one - even the same picture done twice will never come out the same! Shipping costs would be negotiated. Visit my website to see the sale on pre-made stock as well as to place your order. www.paintedlinen.weebly.com www.paintedlinen.weebly.com


Knitted Items: (Christel's Kneedles)


Knitwear including beanies, berets, scarves, snoods, bed-socks, gloves, jerseys and more. Sizes range from newborn to adult.

Contact me for a personalised gift for a loved one. Prices negotiable depending on type of wool. Shipping costs would be negotiated. Visit my website www.christelsneedles.weebly.com www.christelsneedles.weebly.co…


Much love
Jo

Name of Image

Plz Accounts

The following are plz accounts I have created.
Feel free to use them if you wish.

Alphabet Letters:


:iconlettera-plz::iconletter-b-plz::iconletter-c-plz::iconletterd-plz::iconletter-e-plz::iconletterf-plz::iconletterg-plz::iconletterh-plz::iconletteri-plz::iconletterj-plz::iconletterk-plz::iconletter-l-plz::iconletterm-plz::iconletter-n-plz::iconlettero-plz::iconletterp-plz::iconletterq-plz::iconletterr-plz::iconletters-plz::iconlettert-plz::iconletter-u-plz::iconletterv-plz::iconletterw-plz::iconletterx-plz::iconlettery-plz::iconletterz-plz:

Random Images:


:iconwriteleftplz::icongreenpinkplz::iconrainbowemoplz::iconpinkgreenplz::iconwriterightplz:

Welcome Images:


:iconwelcomesheepplz::iconwelcomecatplz::iconwelcomekatplz::iconwelcomebodyplz::iconwelcomepengiplz:

Christmas Images:


:iconemoreindeerlplz::iconemosantaplz::iconemoxmastreeplz::iconemosnowmanplz::iconxmasstockingplz::iconemoreindeerrplz:

Contest Images:


:icon1st1plz::icon1st2plz::icon1st3plz::icon1st4plz:
:icon2nd1plz::icon2nd2plz::icon2nd3plz::icon2nd4plz:
:icon3rd1plz::icon3rd2plz::icon3rd3plz::icon3rd4plz:
:iconh01plz::iconh02plz::iconh03plz::iconh04plz:
:iconsow1plz::iconsow2plz::iconsow3plz::iconsow4plz::iconsow5plz:

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner 22 hours ago   Writer
I GOT YOUR CUTE LITTLE CARD! :love: I LOVE IT!
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner 20 hours ago   Writer
Yay that it arrived! (I can't remember if I mentioned Merry Christmas in it or not...)
Reply
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner 18 hours ago   Writer
I think you did! :love: I love it either way. <3
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner 3 hours ago   Writer
Yay :D
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontanafeyroyale:
tanafeyroyale Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave
Reply
:icondeerydeerth:
DeeryDeerth Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the favourite. I'll get back to your letter soon. :heart:
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014   Writer
:hug:
Reply
:icondeerydeerth:
DeeryDeerth Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:icondiluculi:
Diluculi Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014   Writer
:tighthug:
Reply
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