Day of “Happy”, Day of Well
~What will life be like?~
2-04-08

Dark are these clouds which now devour me,
Slaying any hope of sunshine.
In days labelled “happy”,
When I turn out well,
These pesky clouds would part,
Would go,
And sunshine could once more present itself
As an alternative...
Sunshine could shine without fear of murder
Before it had a chance to live.

Evil are the thoughts that haunt the caverns of my mind,
ANTS...creeping through their dark tunnels,
Removing all positive possibilities.
In days called “happy”,
When wellness comes,
My ANTS would have been DOOMED
To creep no more.
Possibilities would light up the caverns,
Filling them with positivity, making new paths:
Thoughts would be mine, not ANTS
Nor attempted ANT combat.

Most worries and baggage I hold,
Do not belong to me.
In “happy” times of well- and wholeness,
I would have learned how to return to others
What is rightfully theirs,
And find a way to keep it theirs and not make it my own again.

Fake is the smile that graces my face,
And FINE am I always.
To be “happy”, and well,
I would be real, not fake.
The smiles would have joy twinkling in my eyes...
Not tears that nobody but my teddy will ever get to see.
And FINE would not exist.

Church is a place of duty, where a God who should be there might not reside...
But of course that is not what those around me know.
When “happiness” comes,
Bringing with it the time when my life ends up well...
As do I,
God would be there...not in feeling, but in fact and faith.
He would follow me home, answer my prayers...love me.
Church would be the place it used to be – the
Place where I loved to go to,
Instead of the place I loathe.

Self-confidence? Self-esteem? Self-love? Excuse me...but what are those.
I don’t believe they exist.
In the days of “happy” and well,
They would be there...I would dare to dream.
Standing confident and secure in who I am...or what I am.

Unworthy and unlovable am I,
Pond scum...gum under God’s shoe.
Day of “happy”, please don’t pass-over me,
And please come soon my day of well,
My day of wholeness,
So I am not continually feeling worth nothing.
For in my day of “happy” worth will be felt,
And standing secure in that worth,
Loved will replace unloved.

In the “happy” day of wellness hope will return,
My ANTS will finally be destroyed,
And the dark clouds with everything they represent
And consume will be blown away.