Demisexual

Demisexual
2-06-16

Yesterday I learned a new word and it changed my life.

Demisexual was the word I learned,
And it has wormed its wordy way into the centre of my brain;
It has decided to make home there,
And invite its best friend asexual to the power party.

There is a party going on inside of my head to which I am not invited.
Demisexual sends messages to my brain, coded in asexuality, that fuel my heart,
Turning it’s bi-curious nature into something else entirely.

For what am I if I do not follow my heart?
Yet what can my heart tell me to follow
When I feel no deep pulsating urges for anybody ‘in that way’.
When I know I’m not a proper girl yet not manly either;
An in betweener waiting for a sign from someone that she is normal
Like the rest of the world.
Normal like the girly girls – but I hate makeup and nail polish and shoes –
Or maybe like the manly men – but I know I am not a man trapped in a woman’s body –
So what can I tell my heart to feel?

What can I tell my heart to feel?

What if it just can’t feel – says demisexulity’s coded message,
Brought to my brain by its pal asexuality –
What if you can’t feel because you can’t feel in that way yet
and not because you are stranger than strange?

What if not feeling attracted to men or woman now is normal for me?
Possible in the future from behind the safety barrier of an emotional connection.

What if I am demisexual?