If You Were Here

If You Were Here
6-12-15
100 Themes #77 – Memories

My darling baby boy;
I hope this letter finds you well,
That skies are blue and Heaven’s swell.
Know you are my joy
In times when mommy’s sad;
I can’t stay sad forever,
Although it never
Seems to get better than bad.

Know that memories of you
Bring up a mixed bag of feelings,
And that I’m dealing
With what’s sad and true.
But my memories of you are alright,
Although the emotions behind
The memories leave me to find
Alibis for moments that are not all that air tight.

I miss you, so much it hurts to breathe
Sometimes. It hurts to be alive
Knowing you don’t thrive
And that you had to leave.
If you are in Heaven looking down;
My little angel boy
Bringing God joy,
Please don’t look at me and frown
Upon my misery, upon my gloom,
For without your spark
I would have been in the dark
About how love could bloom
And be so all-encompassing.
I would never have known this,
And this is something I would never miss
Not for all my striving.

Memories of you are fraught
With memories of pain
And once again
I come to you distraught.
Every time I bleed
I think of what I lost,
And I think of the cost
It took to get me to where I need
To be, in the end,
Somewhere far and above
All understanding of love;
Be ever my friend
In Heaven, and hell.
I do once more hope
That I can cope,
And that I can cope well.