Introducing MagicalJoey

A short (ha, I wish) blurb about me - MagicalJoey

I am currently 26 years old and have been writing poetry since I was 11. Having Depression since the age of four it was hard for me to believe that I was good at anything, so when a kind and truthful grade five teacher told me that my poetry was good I only half believed her. It was said to me again in 2005 by two friends – the only two people who I allowed to see my poetry, besides one reading in the church after a camp where a few people were shocked at my ‘talent’. The church knew about my happy poems, of which there were few, and my friends knew the Depression-controlled side of me. Both subsequently left and I couldn’t write for a year. But I picked up the pen (literally – I love writing with my fountain pen) and started writing and submitting to D.A.. I have been here for a number of years and seen many friends come and go, some who have remained friends and some who have simply disappeared. I have a friend who was one of the first people I ever watched on D.A. who I am still in contact with – a true friend whom I value dearly.

Most of my poetry has to do with emotions or events, though there are the odd ones on a theme (like when I go fairy crazy), because it’s a non-harmful way of releasing what’s constricting my heart. I am Bipolar (mildly) and suffer from Depression and Anxiety and due to my inadequate coping skills self-harmed from May 2009 until January 2011. I am proud to say that although there have been many times when I longed to go back because it would ‘solve’ my problems I have not intentionally harmed myself since then. And it is almost January 2014.

I watch a variety of artists on D.A., most of them literature artists. However I do watch some excellent photographers and traditional-art artists. It is amazing the level of skill one finds here. Many of the people I watch, and it seems many of the people who watch me, are people who also suffer from similar problems. We have created a community where people can help others who are in similar situations or even simply give an encouraging comment on a deviation or on a profile page. In a time when compliments are rare, or, if you are like me, almost unbelievable, a simple comment on a piece of work can mean the world to someone.

I have been complimented on my smile and my eyes. Those, and my hair, are basically the only things I like about myself. The rest, in my opinion, is ugly. This stems from being overweight, having low self-esteem and self-worth, and not having many, if any, ‘real life’ friends because of it – or because I felt that would be a factor, I don’t know to be honest.

In October 2010 I had a miscarriage and lost my son, James, at ten weeks. It devastated me in ways I cannot even begin to explain and culminated in the final time I harmed myself, January 3 2011, when I came about half a centimetre from successfully killing myself. I went into a psychiatric clinic for the first time after that, was in a different one that same year, back in the first in 2012 and in yet another different one this year, 2013. This final one was where I learned to let go of the hurt I felt from the loss of James. I had a memorial for him, and at the end I let two blue balloons, with his name on, go. Letting the strings of those balloons slip through my fingers was the hardest thing I had ever done – no exam could compare and I doubt anything ever will.

And that, my fellow deviants, is a brief – a lot of things left out, mainly feelings and school (which is best left out anyway) – blurb about me. Jo, aka MagicalJoey. A nut in a shell and founder of many groups on D.A., a site that has been my home and haven for many years. <3 to you all.

_{(P.S. There are a lot of great writers who inspire me to become greater than I am, to become better, to learn more. Some of the names off the top of my head are: Kate (aka muffin), Beth, Raquel, Rachel (aka fishie), Lisa (aka Riddle, aka fishcake), LOR (aka Kie), Grimmy and so many, many more. I love you all, and everyone who I have forgotten in my sleep-haze)}