Letter to Teen Me
4-11-12

Dear Teen Me

Don’t hide the cheese in your cupboard for midnight snacks – mom knows and will catch you out every time. The same goes for the peanut butter and the spoon.

I urge you to admit early that you have a problem with Depression. Don’t wait until you are 20 and it’s almost too late. Do it when you’re 14, before you start with the self-mutilation. You didn’t think ahead with that one, and so you end up with scars that can’t be covered. Think about your wedding dress one day – it will have to have long sleeves, or some sort of lacy crap. So don’t even start. It doesn’t help in the long run, and all you are doing is starting an addiction that will haunt you for the rest of your life. True, it can be a release, but it affects the way people react to you – they see the scars and immediately turn away. Seek help as soon as you can – it will save you endless trouble and turmoil. Don’t be afraid of those who try to help you, even though I know it’s hard for you to trust. Believe in them enough to let them help you.

Try to make more friends – it gets lonelier the older you get. Make friends and keep them. Go to parties; go out more. Socialise. I know that you’re afraid, but try to overcome that fear. If you can, you will have more than two real-life friends and four internet friends by the time you’re my age. I know that you have undiagnosed Social Phobia, and probably a bit of Agoraphobia, but try not to let that stop you. It will stop your brother from completing grade eight – don’t let it stop you from completing your dreams and desires. Don’t let it stop you from talking to people. I know it’s a hurdle, but it's one you have to get over if you are to survive as a functioning adult – which I am not.

Don’t stop writing. I know poetry is your strength, but write prose too. They are both skills, if you practice the one and leave the other then you will eventually lose the ability. You don’t want to lose your ability to write – sometimes that’s all you have to keep you sane. That and your DeviantArt friends. Don’t worry about who they are, you will meet them when you’re older. Your poetry will get better as you age, practice, practice, practice, and practice more. You will see a remarkable difference. Oh, and don’t believe Linda when she says it could be a ministry – she was probably only saying that to make you feel better at the time. You will find out later that she’s a two-faced bitch and not really worth your time. However, people will like your poems, I promise you that, and you will make internet friends through the sharing of your poetry.

You are creative; use that to your advantage. Make cards and sell them, do fabric painting, make beaded crafts. It will be a good way to bring in extra income, which I know the family desperately needs and will need even more desperately as the years go on. Try to find a part-time job; don’t be so afraid of change. The more scared you are the less you do, and the less you do the less you achieve. And the less you achieve the more afraid you become of failure. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Don’t be a suck-up, that’s how you lose friends. I know that being liked and accepted is important to you, but don’t be a leech. Don’t suck up to teachers by always being the ‘goody-two-shoes’ and doing everything right. Apparently, the other students don’t like that. Live a little – but not too much, you still want to get good grades. You will excel in History and English, while you will not do well in Mathematics. Blame Dr Mouton for the maths, as it is her teaching that will stuff you around (before her you will be getting a nice 70%, after her you will be lucky to scrape the 40% pass mark). Basically the only things you learn from her is that she can shoot a dart gun, you can make tea in a soup cup, and that ‘cos’ and ‘sec’ go together because ‘kos’ and ‘sex’ go together. That’s all you will remember, and it will screw you in future grades.

Before I go, I want to leave you with some more advice, perhaps the most important of all. Don’t hide your emotions. If you are happy, laugh. If you’re sad, cry. If you are afraid, feel afraid. You, especially you, need emotions to function like a normal human, and the more you suppress them, through fear or just because they become pesky, the more they will haunt you in the future.

I think I have mentioned all the important things. Sorry that this letter doesn’t contain many hilarious anecdotes, there are none to mention as your life takes a drastic turn when you turn 14. You start down a path that sucks away all happiness and replaces it with numbness or fear. I wish I could tell you happy moments, but I can’t. All I can do is advise you to create more happy moments; so that when next I write to you, there will be more joy to share.

Yours Sincerely,
Yourself at 25