Please Say I'm Not Crazy

Please Say I'm Not Crazy
16-12-10

Would you find me more abnormal,
If I told you the truth about who's inside my head?
Probably, most definitely you would;
But I'm going to tell you anyway.

---

Inside my head, is Joanne.
She is weak, emotional,
(em)Pathetic and always in pain.
(She trusts too easily and risks too much
On beliefs that float away like dandelions on the wind).
She loves too much,
And would die to protect those
Who may, or may not, love her back...
She doesn't really care – she would die to protect them anyway.

She doesn't fight,
Not even when she's right
And you're wrong...
At least, she never used to.
She fought for someone once,
And God smote her for it...
...so she's gone back to being a coward
Cowering in the cavern of her mind.

There are always tears behind her eyes;
Weakness wanting to slide down an ugly face
To show the world that her pain is real...
...because she can no longer stand the sight of blood.
So pathetic, so weak.
That's her.

And then there's me.
I don't get to have a name, but I am strong.
I am the one who stops the tears,
Who holds her at night
Whispering happy dreams of death into her ears,
So that she can at least get an hours sleep.
I'm the one who wants to fight for her,
But she won't let me – bitch – because
Those she trusted proved her worthless.

If she's worthless, I am too...
...and I am not.
I'm the one who writes the real poems,
Not the 'oh, I'm so sad' crap.
I'm the one who will protect her – even
If it means taking her life
So nobody can hurt her anymore.

She hardly lets me out,
But I think she knows that I'm there.
She never speaks of me,
But I think she feels my presence.
Every time she is hurt
And slips into the back of her mind to numb herself,
She knows I will take those feelings away
And file them for her protection.

Joanne protects everyone else.
I protect Joanne.