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Literature Text
Shattered Pride
20-1-13
Pride shatters with every plea.
She’s the beggar on the corner with the sign and the tin,
Only her sign doesn’t ask for handouts but for work;
Yet still passersby ignore her
As if she is scum
Searching for free money.
Or the guitarist against the wall playing her tunes
To a deaf crowd of people
Who are beggars themselves.
The crazy lady wandering the streets with her shopping trolley
Fill with junk only she can understand,
Who shelters with the cats around the dustbins
And wonders why it rains.
20-1-13
Pride shatters with every plea.
She’s the beggar on the corner with the sign and the tin,
Only her sign doesn’t ask for handouts but for work;
Yet still passersby ignore her
As if she is scum
Searching for free money.
Or the guitarist against the wall playing her tunes
To a deaf crowd of people
Who are beggars themselves.
The crazy lady wandering the streets with her shopping trolley
Fill with junk only she can understand,
Who shelters with the cats around the dustbins
And wonders why it rains.
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I hate having to beg.
© 2013 - 2024 MagicalJoey
Comments5
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Overall Vision
Originality
Technique ImpactI like the theme of "shattered pride" but that didn't come through in the poem when I read it a first time. After reading it a few times, it seemed to me that possibly the she of the poem was pride and was able to make sense of the metaphor. Again, if that is the desired meaning, it doesn't come through clearly at first glance.
The poem is comprised of three stanzas of varying lines counts which make it feel a little random. Punctuation is consistent which is a huge plus because it's easy to know when to pause. However, I did think that each stanza ending with an end stop made the reading just a little choppy sounding because it's a list poem that stops instead of just pausing, so I would take a look at that.
Finally, each line begins capitalized and I was just wondering, "why?" the entire time I was reading. It's an old fashioned technique and I think that in some rare cases that it works on fixed forms but this is completely free verse and just doesn't fit in the poem. It doesn't effect the reading of it, it just looks very odd.