literature

That Girl

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Literature Text

That Girl
28-03-12

You tried to mould me
Into the girl of your fantasies,
But my bones were too big
And my face to plain;
You did like my hair though.

I tried to be beautiful for you,
But you would only look at things one-way;
There was no room for emerald glasses.

I had talents, traits, that you never respected –
Reading was never your strong point;
You couldn't even read me.

There was a spark once...
A time I would hold your hand,
And feel utter silence and bliss
Washing through me;
A wave of joy.

But that spark faded
When I realised
I would never be the girl of your dreams;
Your dreams were too small for my bones.

I would never be that girl.
I am writing this for the contest at #HumbleWriters
The theme: Song's Inspiration
The song: I'm Not That Girl from the musical Wicked.
Link to lyrics: [link]
© 2012 - 2024 MagicalJoey
Comments10
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FaeLuna13's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

I absolutely ADORE this poem. There were so many things that contributed to this feeling! First of all, I love Wicked, and I'm Not That Girl is especially beautiful to me. And I think your poem brings out the feelings I see in that song wonderfully. Hope, loss, love, disappointment. I especially love the line "I could never be the girl of your dreams; your dreams were too small for my bones." It connects to points made before as well as showing the audience a new point.

Two things though: Verse four, line one, I would make the punctuation "..." instead of "." to represent the loss she feels there. Also, V4 L4, I would change the simile to a metaphor. I feel like a simile isn't strong enough.

I really adore this poem!! <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/l/o/l…" alt=":iconlovelightpinkplz:" title="lovelightpinkplz"/><img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/g/r/g…" alt=":icongreenheartplz:" title="greenheartplz"/> (One for both of 'em.)