Wooing Sleep

This will be a critique on behalf of #GrammarNaziCritiques

First I would like to say that I really like this poem.. sleep is a really good topic to write about, it seems that the more tired and the more we think we need sleep.. the less we will actually get.

You managed to portray sleep as someone who likes to tease us, knowing what we want but refusing to give it to us.

Structure:
You have split this up great, making each stanza stand out and hold a meaning behind it.
-First identifying insomnia as something which goes around silent.. playing with our memories and emotions.
-Then creating this game that insomnia tries to escape all the pills and all their effect.. leaving you awake and vulnerable to everything around you.
-Then if sleep finally catches up, it would be a fast forward race to the finish line.. one which you will always lose.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
-Your use of Grammar is excellent,
-And punctuation is visible and used throughout the poem.

Imagery:
-I really like your use of imagery, especially in the first stanza... comparing insomnia to a mouse, silently rushing through without being detected.
-Searching and finding pieces of memory that we took so long to hide and forget.. bringing out our emotions in the open and leaving us vulnerable to them.

Overall:
-You grasp a great and vast aspect and turn it into a poem, a poem which many can relate.
-A poem filled with imagery.
-The flow of the poem is great, helps the reader when they come to read the piece.
-Great work on making sleep seem like this impossible journey that people so much desire but very few actually achieve.


Balel