Write Away and Hide

Write Away and Hide
30-11-10

I pour ink onto a page
In words of many shapes and sizes;
Each one holding the hope
That maybe, by writing it all down,
It'll be ok...I'll be ok.

But it doesn't work
The way it's supposed to...
Because I can write about pain,
But I can't write the pain away.

I can't write away the pain
That has seared this soul:
Once, it was just raw,
Now it is burned and bleeding.

I can't write away the tears
That bleed from my eyes
Like liquid fire,
To burn the heart I'm desperately trying to freeze.

Nobody knows, that
This heart trying to stay frozen
Bleeds pain and hurt
Faster than I can type:
Emotions I don't want to feel

And those who know
Try not to see...
How much of my pain am I allowed
To let others see?
How much of my pain can they handle,
Before they crack and break too?

I try to replace the heart I lost
When God took my life from me.
I pour ink onto a page
In lieu of emotions I don't want to feel.

But it hardly ever works.
It just brings the emotions to the surface,
And I have to work even harder
To shove them away again.

Do you know,
I can't stand the sight of blood anymore?
Every scarlet spot reminds me of what I lost,
And of the pain I am trying desperately
To write away and hide.