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I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of

Firstly, I love the way you draw the reader in with your first ST by explaining the 'glass-as-in-gas' pronunciation.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

ST 1, L4 - 'either' isn't needed here because you have just started a new sentence and are not comparing the crack to anything else yet.

ST 5 L1 - you need a comma after 'cathedrals' otherwise you are implying that the cathedrals are tinted and not the glass.
ST 6 L1 - again a comma is needed here after 'lenses' for the same reason as above.

I love the contrast between the different elements of the glass with the granite, clay and chalk. You have done well to continue your metaphor throughout the piece.

Personally I would remove the third lines of both ST 5 and 6, as they seem unneeded in a way, and almost get in the way of the message you are trying to bring through.

Overall, a really good piece.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
10 out of 14 deviants thought this was fair.


divafica Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much! :happybounce:
I'll get down to changing these things.
wolffey Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i kinda wanted to see the unedited one also
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Sorry, I don't remember it ^^;
wolffey Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
its fine :3
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